Sunday, March 27, 2005

Gay Abandon

A couple of months back I was visiting my brother’s place in Dallas for my winter break. Three weeks of good Indian home cooked food sounded too good to give up. Moreover, I didn’t have anything else to do and if I stayed back at school, I am sure I would have wasted the little money that I had on booze and pizza. So after weighing all the options that I pretended to have, I booked my tickets to Dallas. On reaching Dallas, I was greeted by the smell of roast potatoes, Rasam and Sambar. I don’t know whether my cousin noticed the drool that was coming out through the sides of my hungry mouth. I earnestly tried to sit away from the dining table, as I didn’t want my cousins to think that the primary purpose for this visit was to fatten myself up.

So one fine morning my cousin bro. got a call from his friend and he wanted my bro to pick him up at the airport. So my bro asked me whether I could accompany him and the accommodating person that I am, I quickly said yes. Later in the day I realized the perils of mouthing a quick yes. My bros car refused to start and so we had to take his wife’s car ‘A BEETLE’. Yeah the car looked cute and all that, but a guy driving a beetle would definitely look odd and sensing that my brother gave me the keys and asked me to drive. And I knew what he was ‘driving at’ and so I quickly told him that I don’t have a license.He couldn’t ask his wife to come along with him because he refused to pick her friend up a couple of weeks back which was still very fresh in her memory. He muttered something like “ of all the cars why did she have to get a beetle…” and started the car. Well, if he had to blame someone then it had to be Hitler, after all it was he who designed this frightfully feminine car. But, I didn’t want to go over the history of the car to irritate the already furious driver. So off we went to the airport. Now this was during Christmas time and America was on an 'ELEVATED STATE OF ALERT’ declared color orange. I think Bush wanted to make this clear to every one, “ Hi dudes! Merry Christmas...enjoyin the party eh! Good, just to warn you, if u have a plane mysteriously knocking at your door don’t tell me that we didn’t alert you.Peace out!” Every car was thoroughly inspected by the cops and our beautiful beetle was inspected by an Afro American cop.

He knocked on the window and said “Ma'am can you lower your window please”. I admired the way how friendly the cops were here and totally missed out on the “Ma'am”. My brother had a smirk on his face when he heard that ma'am and muttered that he should have never agreed to pick up this friend. My brother lowered the window and the cop jutted his head through it and had a peek inside. He then gave a smile and said “Nice car you got 'guys’. Nice flowers and yeah you have a nice teddy bear there. So did you guys watch that show on ABC yesterday at what 8 or 9 pm.” I was pleasantly surprised, cops had the time to talk about TV shows when America was orange. Probably, the cops didn’t want the local population to feel the heat and have decided to mask the tension by striking friendly conversations . You just had to give it to these cops who tirelessly fight terrosists and are also in the mood to chat with two average guys in a beetle just so that they feel safe.But the teddy bear he mentioned about, was our beloved Lord Ganesha and I thought of correcting the cop but then my brother was totally pissed and shot back at the cop “Sir its not what you are thinking, this is my wife’s car and me and my brother are on our way to pick her up.” Hey…wait a minute we are not picking his wife I thought it was his friend…I hope my brother knew that lying to a cop was an offense. The cop then leered at us and sarcastically said “yeah whatever!” I just didn’t get it, why should my brother get back at a cop who was just trying to be friendly. On the way to the terminal, I gave my brother a lengthy sermon about the great sacrifices that these men are making for their country and we had no right to snap at them when they are just trying to be friendlyto make us feel safe. On hearing that my brother shot the nastiest look that I had ever seen in my short life of 20 years. He then told me that the show he was talking about on ABC was a reality homosexual dating show. Now, that gave a whole new dimension to the word 'guys'. I was completely pissed.… much for cops being friendly…...”bloody perverts”...can’t two guys go around in a beetle together. What has this world come to?

On reaching the terminal, we saw my brother’s friends waiting there. As soon as we got out he gave a weird look on seeing 'us'. My brother sensed what his friend was thinking and quickly introduced me as “the cousin who is here on a vacation” and I almost heard him say….” I wish I should have never asked him to accompany me or even better I should have never come here to pick you up.” So we were heading out of the airport and by some curious mischance we saw the same cop inspecting cars on the exit. He then tapped on the window and this time he said, “Gentlemen lower the window”. He then looked at my brother’s friend.” Hi there, I don’t want to make you ‘GUYS’ wait. I am sure you are in for a busy night. Have a nice one GUYS.” My brother’s friend was totally confused on hearing that and we then explained the whole sequence of events and he laughed all the way home.


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