Cancer
I just found out a relative of mine had breast cancer. It seems he was having a growth in his breast region for the past few years. He thought it was harmless and moreover breast cancer in men was a very rare occurence. But, tests revealed it to be cancerous. He is going to undergo chemotherapy and I hope every thing works out well. Lately there has been a spate of illness occuring to my near and dear ones. I just pray to God that he keeps everyone healthy and makes sure that we eat three times a day.
But, for some odd reason...this news did not affect me very much. Was it because he was just a relative and not immediate family. Have I become so selfish and cruel?Sometimes I hate myself for being insensitive. I remember people crying at a fueneral, there was this other incident where a cousin of mine got seriously injured in an accident....very painful....but I just didn't feel anything. I was sad but I don't think that I felt the pain as the others did. Why am I like this....why can't I just cry?
But, for some odd reason...this news did not affect me very much. Was it because he was just a relative and not immediate family. Have I become so selfish and cruel?Sometimes I hate myself for being insensitive. I remember people crying at a fueneral, there was this other incident where a cousin of mine got seriously injured in an accident....very painful....but I just didn't feel anything. I was sad but I don't think that I felt the pain as the others did. Why am I like this....why can't I just cry?
posted by pagala'k' at 4:04 AM
5 Comments:
is this a joint blog between karthik and kumar? wowie :)
i'm guessing karthik posted this blog. i understand your feelings...
I posted this blog, not karthik.
kumar has emotions too ashwin!! u insult him by asking if i wrote it!! shame on u, meanie!!:D
Hi Kumar
A lot of thoughts came to my mind and I just feel like posting them. I am sure your realtive will recuperate and have many more happy years ahead of him. But one MUST also take a pragmatic view point and accept that the inevitable will happen. How do we face them is more important in the larger scheme of things.
I remember there was a time when my relatives were dying at the rate of one a month, so much so I refer to my family now as an endangered species :) I remember being very disturbed at that point in time especially when my aunt expired leaving behind 2 kids aged 4 and 5. She died painfully and after many years of suffering that began with breast cancer.
I dont want to post something here that says " be brave", " its Ok, these things are part of life" or somethign like that. Only you can know exactly what you are going through and decide how you want to tackle it.
For my part I know that its not necessary to cry to feel pain and sorrow.The very fact that you are posting something like this on a public forum tells me you are feeling a lot of pain and hurt though you claim otherwise.
Maybe you can take solace in the Indian teaching that everything that is created has to go sometime or the other, everything is possible but immortality - that there is a cycle of creation and destruction.
Perhaps, if there is another world or heaven then people who leave are going someplace better. Perhaps if there is no heaven and people are reborn then they will come back and then theres no reason to feel sorry for them. And perhaps if there is no heaven and no rebirth there is still no reason to feel sad becuase people have had their share of life's experiences and hopefully the cleverer ones have realized that life and heaven is here and now and hopefully lived life well to have no regerets.
And perhaps I should shut up now.
So to sum up - dont cry if you dont feel like. But understand that when you say you dont feel anything and then post this message , you are obviously not being truthful to yourself. You are just a very normal human being who has to put on an armour of courage like all the rest of us.
your friend
Sriram
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